Rafa\’s Corner of Nonsense, Part Deux

… where Rafa\’s thoughts see the light of day…

Spongebob made me gay (retroactively)!

There seems to be very few things in this world in which religious nuts (or “Christian Activists,” as they call themselves presumably because “Retarded Fucking Morons” was taken) do not see the looming threat of the “gay agenda.” Really: it seems gays have nothing better to do than try to turn people’s kids gay by luring them with anthropomorphic characters that have no apparent gender and engage in nothing that even remotely ressembles a sexual relationship, homosexual or otherwise!

Proof of Christian activists’ obsession is the following CNN article where one of them denounced a cartoon featuring Spongebob Squarepants, Barney, Winnie the Pooh, the Rugrats, and other children’s characters, which was conceived to impart the concept of understanding people’s differences, as a thinly-veiled attempt to promote “celebrating homosexuality.”

I don’t know, but unless Winnie the Pooh was frenching Eeyore behind a tree or Spongebob was giving a dirty Sánchez to Barney, I find it hard to believe anyone would see any gay subtext in a children’s video! Unless, of course, they were raging closet fags.

Why is it that these “Christian groups” have to proclaim their Christianity in their names? Maybe it’s because if they didn’t, judging them solely on their actions and attitudes no one would know they’re Christian! If their behavior is to be taken as becoming of their faith, it seems the answer to the age-old question “What would Jesus do?” is “Act like an intolerant, hateful prick.” Who knew? They must have read their own Bible, titled “Jesus Loves Everyone (Except The Gays),” or perhaps “If You Are A Religous Nut, Feel Free To Judge Others.”

My favorite part is that Jerry Falwell not only “outed” the purple Teletubbie, Tinky Winky, but went further and declared him “a gay role model.” Really? Is the gay ideal to be purple, have weird antennae, carry around a purse, and have no penis? Sorry, but that hardly seems like any fun!


January 20, 2005 - Posted by | Rant


  1. Was it SpongeBob…I thought it was Mr Rogers! I was a little miffed by the CNN article as well. They don’t know what to complain about next. Before you know it they are gonna start comparing the situation to a game of Othello (www.mattelothello.com). If you get enough gays around, EVERYONE is gonna turn gay. Has anyone thought that since more people are accepting of the lifestyle, more people are no longer ashamed to discuss it?

    I’ll step down and Raf can have his soapbox back.


    Comment by DAVE | January 21, 2005 | Reply

  2. You know, there is no pleasing these pricks. They really look hard for the stuff they judge as bad anywhere. I mean, if there are assholes that find satanic messages in a song played backwards, unconvering SpongeBob’s homosexual agenda is nothing.

    Now,this quote really pisses me off:

    Christian groups however have taken exception to the tolerance pledge on the foundation’s Web site, which asks people to respect the sexual identity of others along with their abilities, beliefs, culture and race.Wow, that’s just great you guys. I can really see Jesus turning his back on a gay person. I bet he’s really proud of their message of love and tolerance. You know what? Fuck them, yes, we are celebrating diversity, including homosexuality, that’s what the makers of the video should say. That puts them in a way higher moral ground that those “christian” assholes.

    Comment by Cesar | January 21, 2005 | Reply

  3. who gives a shit if spongebob is gay? little gay kids are going to grow up to be gay grown ups and little straight kids are going to grow up to be straight adults. big deal.

    Comment by skiddles | January 21, 2005 | Reply

  4. The best part of the article was how CNN.com saw fit to treat SpongeBob as if he were a real gay person, and through the use of apositives, remind us that he does, in fact, live in a pineapple under the sea.

    Comment by Monty | January 21, 2005 | Reply

  5. Thanks for the feedback, guys… Monty, I did laugh when I saw that image of Spongebob and the caption helpfully listing his underwater fruity domicile (in case you ever wanted to go down to his pineapple and hang, I can only imagine).

    And Skiddles, you’re right, no one should give a flying fuck if Spongebob’s gay (unless he’s married, of course, in which case I expect his wife will feel owed some kind of explanation).

    I guess my first concern would be how an anatomically-incorrect anthropomorphic sponge can manage to have sex, much less man-on-man sex, but maybe I’m just fixating on the details, who knows!

    Keep ’em coming, guys! 🙂

    Comment by Rafa | January 22, 2005 | Reply

  6. Monty does bring up a good point. To have the pushing-the-envelope fashion sense to live in a pineapple under the sea at a place called ‘Bikini Bottom,’ SpongeBob would pretty much HAVE to be gay. 😉

    Rafa: “…how an anatomically-incorrect anthropomorphic sponge can manage to have sex??” Two words: Michael Jackson.

    Comment by Dean089 | February 2, 2005 | Reply

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