Rafa\’s Corner of Nonsense, Part Deux

… where Rafa\’s thoughts see the light of day…

New term: “Str8jacket”

In my never-ending quest to coin a phrase (see my previous, and seemingly failed, attempt at coining the term “booger argument“), here I come again (like Whitesnake, but with less drug-induced brain damage) to introduce the term:

str8jacket: n. self-imposed constraint that prevents heterosexual men from showing emotion, feelings for anything other than sports, or affinity towards cleanliness or fashion

Case in point: the straight-man hug. Have you ever seen two heterosexual guys hug? It’s a delicious exercise in awkwardness and unintentional entertainment factor. The chests, if they touch, must be separated by the arm they keep in front of themselves; the pelvis juts out to prevent any kind of potentially sexual groin-area contact; the arm on the other guy’s back must never hold tight, but only pat the back in a pattern that, if you listen closely, seems to be Morse code for “I like poon-tang.”

Another good example is the organic impossibility of straight men of admitting they find other guys attractive because if they did I can only assume they think they’d automatically become rabid pillow-biters and would have to like flavored coffees and listen to Erasure. How is it that gay men can objectively find beauty in women, having grown up, after all, in the same society and having the same “ideals” of beauty reinforced throughout their lives, while straight men are unable to?

At least now there is this concept of “metrosexuality” (whose origin and etymology I find somewhat mysterious), which is some modern men’s outlet for expressing their appreciation for cleanliness, fashion and grooming without having people assume that they watch baseball just for the tight uniforms. Metrosexual men have truly broken free of their str8jackets (more likely than not to further confuse most gay men’s gaydar)!

Anyhoo, if any of you can think of other examples of men confined to their str8jackets, please post them! ūüėÄ

PS. I spelled it “str8jacket” instead of “straightjacket” because:

(a) It’s shorter and I’m lazy, damnit
(b) It can be considered “l337” and thus, immediately cooler to geeks, and I’m a geek, damnit
(c) I felt like it, and it’s my blog, damnit

Advertisements

August 24, 2005 - Posted by | New term

3 Comments »

  1. In 1994, I won a go-cart race against two of my male cousins. To this day, they will not admit that I won. The str8jacket does not allow men to admit when they have been beaten by a woman. It doesn’t matter if it’s cards, games, sports, or “friendly” bets…a man will not admit defeat. What I don’t think that men realize is that this absolutely crushes our self esteem.

    In the end, you’re going to win some and lose some. Be man enough to support your woman (friend, sister) and admit when you have been beaten!!!

    Comment by Angelica | September 20, 2005 | Reply

  2. That’s actually a good example: the str8jacket also seems to reinforce the viewpoint that a guy’s manliness is somehow tied to his athletic prowess, and being “beaten by a girl” is a sure-fire way to lose them gonads in a jiffy.

    Tell your cousins that your friend Rafa said that it’s been scientifically proven that their dicks won’t, in fact, fall off, if they admit you kicked their asses in a go-cart race (and that I have a blog, and people with blogs don’t lie). ūüėÄ

    [That last part isn’t true, but I’m sure your cousins won’t know that I’m quite a gifted liar].

    Comment by Rafa | September 20, 2005 | Reply

  3. Hey, cool tips. I’ll buy a glass of beer to that person from that forum who told me to visit your blog ūüôā

    Comment by How to Get Six Pack Fast | April 15, 2009 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: