Rafa\’s Corner of Nonsense, Part Deux

… where Rafa\’s thoughts see the light of day…

Won’t it be embarrassing…?

When sentient beings from another galaxy finally descend upon humanity and conquer our planet, won’t it be embarrassing that, thanks to our movies and books, we’ve given them all the information necessary for them to beat us?

We’ve essentially taught them the following lessons (aliens, listen up):

  1. Make your computers use a proprietary operating system (if it’s too similar to Microsoft or MacOS, we’ll just send you a virus)
  2. Tell us you want to show us your planet, get us on your ships, and then you can cook us into tasty entrées
  3. Don’t have a mother ship that controls all the attack ships: we’ll just take the bitch out
  4. Pretend you come in peace, and we’ll all get together to greet you (where you can easily shoot us all)
  5. Don’t drink the water

Any other lessons our gray/green-skinned eventual enemies should learn so they can vanquish humanity in the future? 😀


September 3, 2006 - Posted by | Just For Fun


  1. Kinda different, yeah! 🙂

    Comment by mrbrightside | September 12, 2006 | Reply

  2. Here’s one: whatever you do, DO NOT have a ventilation vent leading directly to your reactor in your mother ship/base station. I hear shooting a photon torpedo in there is as easy as hitting a woomp rat from a speeder.

    Do not bring in any of your fighters into your mother ship by remote control with no questions asked. Especially if you lost it over 30 years ago in Area 51. It *may* have been compromised

    Oh, and you may want to bite the bullet and pay a heafty fee to bring in at least one Cylon as a consultant. Those motherfuckers don’t make mistakes.

    Comment by Cesar | September 13, 2006 | Reply

  3. Rafa, why just apply this to aliens. After 9/11 we told every terrorist in the world where our vulnerable spots were (bridges, electric plants, tall buildings, airports, etc). We continue to do that every time there’s come news story on channel 6 describing how reporter Fred went under cover at the airport and got through security with X, Y, and Z.

    Comment by Angelica | September 14, 2006 | Reply

  4. Hehe, good ones, César. And the bad thing about having a Cylon as a consultant is that even the “good ones” are creepy as all get-out. 😀

    Comment by rafaeln | October 9, 2006 | Reply

  5. Angelica, you’re SO right. Just today I was seeing a promo for a trick on how to open any lock using a special type of key and hitting it with hammer or something. Sure, because break-ins aren’t common enough: let’s teach EVERYONE how to be a burglar!!

    When do these things go from “informative” to “criminally negligent”?

    Comment by rafaeln | October 9, 2006 | Reply

  6. JA! terrícolas de mierda; no saben la q hay.

    Comment by P | November 16, 2008 | Reply

  7. P: Anda, nos jodimos. 😉 ¡Gracias por comentar!

    Comment by rafaeln | November 16, 2008 | Reply

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