Rafa\’s Corner of Nonsense, Part Deux

… where Rafa\’s thoughts see the light of day…

Did you know God has a sense of humor?

We oftentimes hear how some jokes are “offensive to God” or how they are “heresy”: even really, really funny ones! We also find that fanatically religious people (from all religions, actually) are without a sense of humor, and it seems everything is potentially offensive to them and their faith.

Why is this? Is it that they don’t know that God has a great sense of humor? I have two points that will prove this beyond a shadow of a doubt:

Exhibit A: He created the platypus

Come ON! The only reason the platypus was created was because God knew humans would start getting all uppity and try to classify everything and pretend they knew how everything should be ordered, and God said: “Oh, really…? Classify this, mo’ fo’s!” And thus He gave us the platypus.

Exhibit B: He put our balls on the outside

I myself think this is proof enough. He could have made sperm more resistant to heat; He could have made the body cooler in a special region specially for the sperm-producing organs, but nooooo… He decided it would be more fun (for Him, not for us) to give us those danglers, and to make it even more fun, why not make them really, really sensitive to pain? And, wait, why not also make it physically impossible for little kids to swing anything in a man’s vicinity without hitting him straight in the balls? It’s just so… deliciously perfect!

So, next time you say a really funny albeit potentially offensive religious joke, rest assured that God is laughing along with you (especially since He knows the next time you’re gonna get a good whack in the ‘nards).

PS. If thou knoweth really funny and really wrong religious jokes, be not shy, my son, and share thy bounty! 😉


September 27, 2004 Posted by | Rafa PSA | Leave a comment

Were Luke and Leia twins all along?

On my new Star Wars-inspired series of posts, I’ve come up with a new interesting question: do you think Lucas always intended Luke and Leia to be twin siblings?

All the while I thought no, that Lucas had made stuff up as he went along but, just being the egomaniacal guy he is, later had sworn up and down how he’s had the story written up along. (Granted, some years ago, way before the new prequel trilogy came out, I had seen some drafts of “Star Wars,” and I do remember he mentioned “padawaan” and “Mace Windu,” perhaps not as they were eventually used in the prequels, but he definitely had some ideas written down that he used in the prequels).

Anyway, I was watching just the end of “Empire Strikes Back,” and I definitely did see some elements that led me to believe that perhaps Lucas was, at least in this instance, not being a pompous blowhard. For instance, when Luke jumps after his battle with Darth Vader and is hanging from that antenna below Bespin, he calls out to Leia and she “hears” him sort of telepathically, very “twin-like.” Plus, in the very last scene, the way Luke puts his arm around Leia is very tender and brother-like, not romantic in the least.

Whether he really had this all planned out all the way from “A New Hope,” however, that I don’t know. Having a sister myself, there are just too many romantic overtones and kisses between them to make Lucas a very sick fuck if he really did intend Luke and Leia to be brother and sister in the end. My one word to you, Mr. Lucas, from “brother” to “artiste,” is: “Ewww.”

So, what’s your take on this? How much did Lucas know, and when did he know it? Let me hear it! 🙂

September 26, 2004 Posted by | Thinker | 15 Comments

Who can name more “artistes“?

In my latest post, I defined the term “artiste,” as follows:

There comes a certain time in every artist’s life when, in their minds, they metamorphose from an “artist” to an “artiste” [read with hoity-toity French accent]. They suddenly believe their view on all things artistic is somehow superior than everyone else’s, and that they have some God-given right to show the world how their aesthetics surpass everyone else’s. At this point, usually their work turns to shit and they turn into insufferable a-holes.

It occurred to me (actually, it occurred to a friend of mine, but since I’m writing the post and it’s my blog, I can give myself all the credit) that our modern world is rife with juicy examples of “artistes“: your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find me examples of other “artistes.”

If possible, try for them to meet the following criteria:

1. Someone with humble beginnings
2. Someone who, at least at the beginning of their career, had some positive artistic impact on the world (at least according to some people)
3. Finally, someone who, after becoming an “artiste,” has turned into a veritable dick

I’m very curious to see what you’ll come up with! Up and at ’em! 🙂

September 23, 2004 Posted by | Thinker | 3 Comments

On the dangers of a director considering himself an “artiste

There comes a certain time in every director’s or actor’s life when, in their minds, they metamorphose from an “artist” to an “artiste” [read with hoity-toity French accent]. They suddenly believe their view on all things artistic is somehow superior than everyone else’s, and that they have some God-given right to show the world how their aesthetics surpass everyone else’s.

I don’t know exactly WHEN this happened to George Lucas, but it’s safe to say that “Star Wars” had something to do with it.

As you may or may not know (if you’re residence of late has been “Under-A-Rock Street”), this week the long-awaited DVD release of the original “Star Wars” trilogy came out. I was one of the many fans that on Tuesday flocked to their nearest computer superstore (read “Fry’s”) to buy my copy (on widescreen format, of course: I accidentally touched one of the full-screen versions and had to ritualistically wash my hands for hours, à la Lady MacBeth: can you believe they actually put out a full-screen version at all?? Anyhoo… that’s another rant for another day).

The thing is that Lucas, ever the “artiste,” has decided to make even more post-Special Edition changes to the movies, from digitally changing scenes to including Ian McDiarmid as the Emperor on “Empire Strikes Back,” to, more offensively, adding Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker in ghost form at the end of “Return of the Jedi.” And, to add insult to injury, there are no deleted scenes (as is the staple of most DVDs nowadays): Lucas insists that these movies are “his realized vision,” so obviously, including deleted scenes to the immense delight of all fans would be unthinkable, because if he removed them in the first place, then they obviously are unworthy of watching and would thus tarnish his “vision.”

You might wonder, if you’re still reading my diatribe and are of the curious sort, why the hell did I buy the DVD set when I so obviously have issues with Lucas’ modifications to the original trilogy (and, more accurately, his general mental health)? Well, I am a realist: I know that they are his movies, and we’re gonna get only the version he foists on us. I realize he has more money than I could ever imagine, to the point where the number starts becoming ridiculous in terms of how much any single human being could ever possibly spend, so me not buying the DVDs is not so much me “depriving him” of my $36 (yes, they’re on sale at Fry’s this week: hurry!), but rather depriving myself of a high-quality version of the movies I love so much (even if they are in a somewhat adulterated, violated form).

So, what is your take on the matter? Anger, apathy, hunger, sleepiness…? Share with the class. 😀

September 22, 2004 Posted by | Rant | 4 Comments

George Lucas: Brilliant director, or egocentric, over-rated overlord of Evil?

I think it’s “egocentric, over-rated overlord of Evil.”

Discuss. 😀

September 22, 2004 Posted by | Thinker | 4 Comments

Finally, a less Picassoan picture of Rafa!

Well, at Andy’s suggestion I hosted some of my images in Photobucket.com and put one of them on my profile, for your viewing pleasure (or not!). 😉 Thanks, for the suggestion, mahfriend!

September 19, 2004 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Alliteration is so much fun that it should be illegal, or at the very least, frowned upon

Awesome alliteration always astounds me… In case you haven’t yet been introduced to this wacky, wonderful way of writing, it refers to using words that begin with the same letter in order to have an extremely energetic effect… it’s the coolest way of word wrangling. Good God, what a geek I am. 🙂

Now, if you want the more “official” definition of alliteration from Britannica.com, here it is: “in prosody, the repetition of consonant sounds at the beginning of words or stressed syllables. Sometimes the repetition of initial vowel sounds (head rhyme) is also referred to as alliteration. […]”

For example, you may have heard of the “3 R’s of learning: reading ‘riting and ‘rithmetic.” This is a classic case of alliteration gone terribly terribly wrong (besides, it’s always bothered me that when talking about education, they misspell and horribly butcher two of the three words! But maybe that’s just me). The person who thought that phrase up should be made to listen to William Shatner sing Green Day songs for all eternity.

Now, faithful followers of my follies: try to conjure up crazy cases of awesome alliteration for my extreme enjoyment, and please post them promptly. 🙂

September 19, 2004 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

No picture for now…

I tried unsuccessfully to try to get my picture hosted somewhere, but it seems the “Hello” service demands that you download software that runs only on Windows… so us poor Linux-only geeks must pay the consequences! Damn you, GAAAAAAAAATESSS!

In lieu of a picture, for the time being you will have to be content with the following crude rendition of myself in ASCII characters. Voilà!

~| |~
~| -.- -.- |~
~| ^ |~

| (—) |
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Aside from the uncanny ressemblance to Frankenstein after a night out on the town of boozing and whoring, I have to say in all honesty, as far as ASCII graphics go… it’s pretty atrocious… I’m sorry, guys!! Now, can someone please host my picture!? 😉

September 18, 2004 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Nonsensical Rambling #1

I never thought I’d be here… Well, not “here” in front of my computer, of course: I mean “here, writing a blog”. 🙂 I was never one for keeping diaries, and the thought of leaving your innermost feelings written down somewhere for lawyers to recuperate and use against you in a court of law seems kinda creepy…

But here I am, nonetheless! 🙂

Expect moments of nonsense, moments of ramblings, moments of “oh sh1t, Rafa’s on his soapbox, everybody down!”, moments of introspection, moments of wisdom, and, of yeah, moments of absolute nonsense. 🙂 Enjoy!

September 17, 2004 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment