Rafa\’s Corner of Nonsense, Part Deux

… where Rafa\’s thoughts see the light of day…

I wants me some human meat!

I heard somewhere that a poll of cannibal tribes (and please don’t ask me whom you have to piss off to get the job of “Cannibal Tribe Pollster”) revealed that human flesh tastes most similar to pork (I would have guessed “chicken,” if only for comedic effect, but oh well).

Could this be true? Is that why once a wild animal tastes human flesh it has to be killed, because it always tries to eat more humans? I’m sorry, but I’ve had ham and bacon, and if we humans taste anything close to bacon, I not only perfectly understand these animals, I must confess I’m kinda curious to try me some human meat!

“Oh, Rafa,” you might say, “that’s disgusting! How dare you say you’d eat another human being!” Ok, first of all, who the hell are you, and how are you writing directly to my blog?! Second, I never said I’d eat another human being: that’s way too much meat for me; I just wanna try me a slice! Plus, I’m on a diet, and judging from the average American, I would get a coronary if I ate an entire human being. So no. Not so much.

Also, I’m sure if I could convince you that the person the meat came from was a total asshole, or at the very least, occassionally rude, your mind would be at ease and you wouldn’t feel so bad about your wanton, Godless flesh-eating.

Finally, two words: Atkins Friendly. Need I say more?

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February 14, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized

8 Comments »

  1. Should I get the eggs over-easy or scrambled? Can it be used for menudo? What about rolled in coffee grounds and baked with a filling of spinach and parmesan served with steamed asparagus and scalloped potatoes. Would that be a red or white wine?

    Comment by DAVE | February 17, 2005 | Reply

  2. You pose a very interesting question, Dave! Maybe we should propose an informal “Human Flesh Wine Guide”! Here is my suggestion:

    Whiteys/Asians – White wine (e.g. Leo diCaprio, Connie Chung)

    Hispanics/Blacks – Red wine (e.g. Antonio Banderas, Serena Williams)

    Nondescripts – Rosé wine (e.g. Michael Jackson — although, on second thought, I don’t think eating Michael Jackson would be a good idea at all)

    Does this sound reasonable? And is it wrong that thinking about this made me hungry? 😀

    Comment by Rafa | February 17, 2005 | Reply

  3. Ok, ok… it’s been brought to my attention that Indians (and Malaysians and other kinds of, how shall I put this delicately, “brown people”) are technically Asian, but c’mon people, you obviously go better with red wine!

    So if you’re brown, you go better with red wine regardless of the continent you’re from, understood? 🙂

    Comment by Rafa | February 18, 2005 | Reply

  4. Ahh! It feels good to be properly classified : ) I like going well with a Merlot.

    Comment by Lil | February 18, 2005 | Reply

  5. Oddly enough, anthropologists studying Pacific cultures have noted that fondness for SPAM (the canned meat-like product, not the annoying unwanted e-mails) is a sign of whether or not a people were formerly cannibalistic. Apparently SPAM tastes just like human flesh. Can anyone say “Soylent Green?”

    Comment by Dean089 | February 19, 2005 | Reply

  6. SPAM??? My mother once tried to get me to eat this on bread once. The most un-eye appealing, gray, un-natural combination of snouts and hooves in a can. I think, i’d rather eat a human… Is the white meat of a human dry? make that a side of gravy too.

    Comment by Jarrod | March 6, 2005 | Reply

  7. Good question, Jarrod: is white meat dry? Hum… I’d have to go with “dry AND bland,” so make sure you do ask for that side of gravy!

    Comment by Rafa | March 6, 2005 | Reply

  8. http://www.eathufu.com/home.asp–>

    Comment by Robguy | June 1, 2005 | Reply


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